I learned a really valuable lesson recently. People often talk about being authentic and I have generally believed that I live an “authentic life”. I realized however, that there are definitely moments when I try to conform (sometimes, leading me so far out of my comfort zone, that I am no longer being authentic). Perhaps you can relate to this.
Several months ago, I signed up for a charity race; a sprint triathlon. I signed up knowing that I am not really competitive, and if anything competition doesn’t motivate me. I have done a few charity 5k races “for fun”, but even those I didn’t love. Somehow the “race” setting, the timers, the big groups, and the formalities, just take the fun out of a run for me.
In any case, I signed up for this because my sister was doing it, and Nathan was going to do it, and it was for charity! I felt a bit of pressure as well but at the end of the day, I wanted to say I did a sprint triathlon, and I wanted to want to do this.
The week before the race, we had the opportunity to do a practice run but the night before I cracked. The nerves kicked in, and I realized for me there was nothing fun in doing the actual race. Although it was just a practice run, it was then that I realized that my participation in this race wasn’t authentic. It’s not my thing. I wanted it to be my thing, but it just wasn’t. Nathan and I had a long talk that evening which was a bit emotional for me. He said “I don’t know why you signed up in the first place?”. This really triggered a note because I had signed up because I wanted it to be my thing. So many people do races for the rush, the sense of achievement, accomplishment, and I wanted that too. But we realized that my truth would have been to volunteer for the race. To motivate others, to cheer people on, to help as needed, maybe do a pre or post-race stretch for contestants. All of which would have fed my soul and been very authentic.
The next day we drove to the course and I didn’t do the swim because I didn’t have a wet suit, but I borrowed a road bike and did the 20 km ride followed by the 5 km run. I enjoyed being outdoors and active and was happy to be there with Nathan and my sister, but still, I had absolutely no desire, inspiration, motivation do to the race the following week.
I helped Nathan fund raise, and he raised a total of $1,500 for cancer research in one week alone. This made me extremely happy! A few people asked me if I was doing the race and I was at peace with just saying “No, it’s not my thing.” I even had someone say “I get that”. That was so awesome to hear. I felt validated. I realized there had been a huge internal battle that had taken place over this, but in the end, there was peace, and once again a very valuable lesson.
Being authentic, being true to yourself, feeds the soul. It makes us happy, it feels good. You can still do things that scare you, or step out of your comfort zone while being authentic but it’s also important to identify activities or scenarios that are just not true to you.
